Who am I?

I've spent the past few days mulling over what to write in these pages...so anyway how about I just attempt to write about how it has been through the darker side of my life and how I got to where I am now.

I've got to my early forties and my life seems a hazy blur, some of which I've tried unsuccessfully to blot out. For the most part I've muddled through eeking out a rather ordinary existence. Maybe that is what I felt I needed - normality (whatever that is!) - to shroud the less than ordinary start in life. To the outsider, to even my own family, it was indeed an ordinary life...after all how could they know...and they did not, not until the crack's began to appear.

It has taken me a long time, most of my life even, to accept who I am. I wouldn't wish the events of my early life on anyone but I've come to realise and accept that they have defined and shaped who I am today. I could so easily have fallen into an abyss of pain, and my life could easily have become so different than the one I have today, and not necessarily for the better. But here I am standing strong...well mostly...and now attempting to sift through nigh on forty years of mixed up feelings.

For many years people did not want to think about it or talk about it but it has been there all around us lurking in the shadows...it happens folks, we all know that...so I will say it - there are children who are abused, violated and it happened to me.

So in theses pages maybe I can attempt to pour out those pent-up thoughts and feelings that for so long I have kept hidden inside...well, I can but try!

A step backwards...

Feeling very low today, sometimes everything just crumbles and you just want to curl up and block everything out...but between the sobs and despair a small person arrives with a tissue and a hug, then another arrives with a cup of tea and a bigger hug, then you remember what really matters to you, you remember why you're still here.