Safe?

Following my somewhat turbulant childhood, I've spent most of my adult life playing it safe by creating a bubble around myself. My life was mapped out...I wouldn't get hurt!

But it was all just an illusion, my seemingly normal 'happy' life was creating a darkness around me, a thick fog that threatened to choke me...I was slowly suffocating! The world hung heavy on my shoulders making me so weary that all I wanted at times was to curl up and let the fog engulf me.

It is a slow painful journey towards beating the fog of depression, and it's all too easy to drag those who love you down with you but I came to realise that my safe bubble was nearly my downfall. Now some might rightly call me selfish, and believe me the guilt of making such a tough choice still hangs in the air, but I still hold true to my decision being the right one and not just for me. The day I ended my marriage was near unbearable knowing I was breaking someone's heart.

I did grow stronger, indepenence forced me to face life head on...I was getting better!
The trouble is I ended up crashing into a head on collision which shattered me. Some say be careful what you wish for...well I wished for a friend, a lover, a soul mate, someone for whom the flames would never stop burning, something lifelong.

When it came along it hit me like a ton of bricks and boy was it bloody scary to feel something so intense, to ache for someone, to feel that someone is part of you. These feelings stripped me bare and now I am left shivering in the cold. I've learnt a lot about emotional pain and endurance, and how much the human soul can take...how much I can take...I've never known such pain!

And now I'm left with a choice...do I face life head on, taking chances that could quite possibly lead to more pain, and not just for myself, or do I create another safe bubble???